But your child’s mind felt abandoned and responsible.Īs for sexual abuse, it’s now recognised that it doesn’t even have to involve physical touch to be abuse. So sure, your father passing away suddenly when you were five was beyond anyone’s control. It’s important to remember that even if your adult mind now sees what you experienced as ‘minor’, your brain processed it from a child’s perspective. But if you are unable to attract and maintain healthy relationships and there was any turmoil in your past then you are likely kidding yourself. Or you can protest what happened in your past ‘was no big deal’ and didn’t really affect you. Sure, you can tell yourself ‘the past is the past, I live in the present“. Studies show again and again that we are really pack animals – we thrive when connected and suffer when not, via loneliness, depression, and even early death. And yet you are probably tired of being alone. Or you will tell yourself “I don’t want a relationship”, or “I don’t need other people”. If deep down you are terrified of loving and being loved, then no matter how wonderful another person is your fear of intimacy will see you sabotaging the relationship. If you had a parent or guardian who could not offer you such a stable platform to grow within, either as they were mentally unwell or unwilling to be a parent, then you will grow into an adult with issues in relating to others (read our piece on attachment and relationships to understand this more). You are suffering from what is known as ‘attachment issues’.Īttachment theory states that as an infant it is crucial that a child receives protection and emotional support from a primary caregiver they can ‘attach’ to and trust. Or, you will avoid all love and connection in order to be ‘safe’, but instead lead your life in a state of constant loneliness and depression. Even if a partner is not physically violent, they might constantly criticise you, or refuse you any real emotional support. You are likely to also choose relationships that are ‘dangerous’. These hidden beliefs you mistake for fact will be buried in your unconscious but driving all your decisions and behaviours.įor example, if you grew up with one parent controlling and threatening the other, you will have the core belief that love is unsafe. Growing up with no healthy relationship role models creates a set of unconscious assumptions about yourself, others and the world are called ‘ core beliefs‘ in psychology. You own a set of core beliefs that keep connection at bay. Instead you are likely to have unhealthy ideas around relating that actually encourage you to choose badly or push people away, or Hollywood-movie expectations that mean you can’t recognise real love. If you grew up in a home with, say, parents who hated each other and were constantly fighting or cheating, or a single parent who was scared of relationships, you just won’t have any inbuilt understanding of relationships. If you want a good relationship but have never really seen one up close and in action, then how would you recognise it if it was standing right in front of you? You have unhealthy programming around what a relationship actually is. 7 Psychological reasons you can’t find a good relationship 1. *Of course there is no law that says everyone must be in a relationship! But the issues below will also be the same ones making relating with colleagues, friends, and family hard, too. It means you are past the stage of making yourself a victim and blaming everyone you date, or telling yourself the disempowering fib that ‘you just haven’t found the right one’ yet. Recognising the issue might stem from you is a powerful first step. Frustrated by your inability to attract a healthy relationship? And plain tired of being alone?
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Details
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |